Disbelief

dis•be•lief

noun

Inability or refusal to accept that something is true or real.

If I can describe in two words how the past year has been for me, it would be loss and disbelief. I’ve been experiencing a lot of loss lately and I’m in disbelief because of the loss I have dealt with. Now most people will look at this as a negative thing. Here’s why I don’t. I asked for this. I know y’all probably reading this like, girl what?! Allow me to elaborate.

Growing up in a Christian home, we were always told that you can’t run away from what’s been instilled in you. Now that I’m older I can most definitely understand what that means. These past few months I’ve felt alone, depressed, and lost in this world. I felt like a lot of my purpose was taken from me. So in one of my lowest moments of life, I decided to go back home to my roots. I revisited taken my spiritual journey more seriously in the flesh as I settle in a new church home. During this time, it has been confirmed that I’m at the right place at the right time. Finding a leader who is spiritually aligned with what God is doing is oh so imperative! I’d like to think that I have matured a lot spiritually over the past few months and because of that, I can see more clearly what why I have experienced so much loss and disbelief. I simply asked for it.

Becoming a better person and mature in all aspects of life is truly a challenge in itself. Life is hard enough and you most definitely don’t need anything or anyone to make it harder for you. So I’m this time, I asked God to remove all things that is not meant for me….and he did.

I meannnn, he had the nerve to remove friends I grew up with, someone I had an intimate relationship with, and even family members! I was flabbergasted. Appalled. In true disbelief, because it was hard to accept the circumstances and the things that occurred in order to see that they weren’t meant to be in my life. The disconnection process is very difficult, in the natural. But in the spirit, it became very clear why those people needed to be removed from this vessel. He’s taking me to places I’ve never been and putting me in rooms with people I thought I would never have the ability to reach. Disbelief. It’s hard to accept but, you can’t bring everybody with you to the top!